Game of Groans Season Finale
by hahaharrypulp
Summary: A horrible parody of the season finale of GOT.


Games of Groans Season Finale

Danarus stood with her army facing Cersay. Her hairdresser Mysundae stood atop the castle battlements. A long stick of salami was at her throat.

Danarus was upset Cersay had stolen her best hairdresser. "Let her go!" Danarus warned.

Suddenly Tyrone stepped forward. "Let me talk to my sister."

Tyrone hobbled over to Cersay. "If you surrender now and give the queen back her hairdresser we will let you live. Think of you and our bros baby."

Cersey seven months pregnant held out her cup and her royal wine stewart brought a case of box wine and refilled her cup. She was 10 sheets to the wind already and had been boozing it up all day.

Cersey started getting emotional. She wasn't sure why cause she was tanked up. "Tyrone everyone knows a queen's most important ally is her hairdresser. Kill her!" Cersay screamed.

Mysundae was hit over the head with the salami and feel 20 feet to the ground dead.

"Noooooo." Danarus said. Grayslug, Mysundae's boyfriend was super pissed.

Later Danarus was in her room. Tyrone talked to Jon Blow somberly. "She won't eat or drink anything except her Starbucks Venti Latte."

"She is my queen." Jon said.

Tyrone tried to talk to Danarus. "Don't kill those innocent people. There's lots of good bars and whorehouses down there."

Danarus stared at him coldly.

"Remember when the people start singing Metallica For Whom the Bell Tolls, it means they've surrendered. Give them a chance.."

Dany took a sip of her Starbucks cup and nodded.

Later she asked for Jon Blow to visit her. "Can I get a kiss from my nephew?" Danerus asked pulling Jon Blow close.

"You are my Queen but I don't want it." Jon Blow said.

"You won't make out with?" Danarus pouted. "You're gonna see tomorrow what happens when I am pissed."

The day of the war came. Danarus ignoring that her last dragon got murdered by a bunch of crossbows decided to charge straight into 50 crossbows pointed right at her. No one knew about her secret. Her dragon had been taking ballet classes and was agile and able to dodge all the arrows with ease.

She blew up ships and stuff and stuff around the castle. Her warriors charged in. She sat and waited to see if the city of Kings Branding would surrender. Everybody began to sing, "Make his fight on the hill in the early day / Constant chill deep inside / Shouting gun, on they run through the endless grey. For whom the bell tolls."

It was the Metallica song. The city had surrendered. Finally she had taken Kings Branding. She was thinking about restructuring the city. Maybe a garden would be nicer on the south side. She preferred more of an open city plan. The city would certainly add to her wealth and would be her new home from now on as she ruled over the 7 kingdoms. She was a big fan of the show Flip your Castle that she like to watch, while sipping her Starbucks… On second thought she said to herself, maybe I'll just burn it all to the ground and spend 30 years of coin in renovation costs.

As the city continued to sing she rose up on her dragon and began murdering babies, kids, children, elderly, innocent pigs, cats and dogs, and women and some of her soldiers too. After all Jon Blow wouldn't make out with her and her hairdresser was dead. What did she have left?

"Um Cersay?" Ceray looked out the window sipping her boxed wine. She looked bored as a giant dragon was burning her city to the ground. The giant dragon seemed to be heading right for her. "Shouldn't we be going?" Some old guy advisor said. "Let me finish my wine first. I'm just kinda chilling up here right now."

"I'm sure you have a genius plan like we've seen from you the whole series right?' Old guy said.

"Nope." Cersay said.

"I'm am sure you have an escape plan at least right?'

"Maybe we can go down the stairs and into the basement when I am done with my wine. Maybe we can head to the royal wine celler."

Lamie really like Brianna but he kept thinking of banging his sister while they went at it. He had a good time with Brianna though. She could lift him off the ground when she gave him a blow job and turn him upside down. She also made a cool strap on with a practice wood sword and could give it to him good but his heart was elsewhere.

He decided to sneak off at night.

"What are you doing?" Brianna asked. She caught trying to leave.

"I'm going to ruin my whole redemption story and go back to Cersay who tried to kill me and diss all my friends and be a b$tch."

"Don't go." Brianna cried.

"Dueces." Lamie said and got on his horse.

Jon Blow couldn't believe what Daneros was doing. "Should have taken one for the team Jon." Graybird said.

Arya meanwhile walked through the city trying to help peeps out. Dany came by and flame broiled some friends she just met. She didn't like it. A white horse came outta nowhere and stuff but it didn't mean anything really.

Lamie tried to get in the castle and snuck around and then Jack Sparrow came outta no where and landed just right where he was which was a big coincidence. "I am going to kill you." Jack Sparrow said for no real reason. They began to fight and stabbed each other and stuff. Lamie stabbed Jack Sparrow and he died and he was bleeding and went to find Cersay.

Meanwhile Ceray finally walked down the stairs and her guard fought some other dude or something for some reason.

Lamie ran into Cersay. "I have a good idea. While the building is collapsing. We can go under the bottom of the castle so it can land right on top of us."

Cersay hugged Lamie. "You're hurt. Did that guy try to kill you that I sent? He sure took long enough."

"No that weird pirate guy stabbed me." Lamie and Cersay went downstairs. Stuff began to collapse.

"I think we're gonna die." Cersay said.

Then stuff fell on them.

Meanwhile the city was burning and stuff. Tyrone went and found exactly where Cersay and Lamie were buried because Cersay was holding a wine glass trying to save it and her hand was sticking out.

If only they had moved 20 feet to the right they woulda been fine. Tyrone cried and stuff.

Dany stood on a staircase. "Like let's keep killing people, cool?" Everyone cheered. Tyrone threw his pin on the ground and got arrested.

Jon Blow met with Tyrone when he was locked up. "The b$tch is crazy." Tyrone said "You need to take her out."

Jon replied, "She is my queen. I don't want it."

"She destroyed all the booze and whorehouses in the city. She must be stopped."

"I don't want it." Jon Blow left.

Dany was standing by the iron toilet. Jon came in. "Jon me and you can rule everything now. All the of Starbucks can be ours."

"You are my queen." Jon stuck his tongue down his aunts throat and then he stabbed her.

Her dragon came and didn't kill Jon for some weird reason. He gave him a pass for killing his mom. Even though he had just murdered thousands of people. He then burned the iron toilet and left with Danarus.

Jon decided even though there was no body or witnesses to tell everyone what happened. He snitched on himself.

Graymole and some people met up. "So we are cool after you killed our queen to just leave everything to you and the whole kingdom instead of appointing a new ruler. So who do you guys want?" Graybird asked?

"Maybe it could be Ariyan She became a shape shifting assassin and killed the night king she survived her whole family getting murdered and is a master swordswoman." Someone said.

"Maybe it could be Sansa, she is a fair ruler, who has outsmarted all her enemies and could bring the north and Kings Branding together." Someone else said.

"What about Jon? He became friends with the wildlings, came back from the dead, not to mention he is a Farterian and is really the true king." Another person spoke up.

Tyrone who has been having alcohol withdrawls stepped forward. "Bran has the greatest story of all. He was pushed around in a chair and a sled by Hordor. He turned into a pretty bird for a cool cinematic effect and sat and did nothing when the Night King came. He was even written out of one season. Sound good to everyone?"

"Uh, maybe Sam the Maester instead? He discovered dragon glass and killed a white walker?" Someone spoke up.

"I thought Bran said he wasn't Bran anymore and didn't want to rule?" Sana asked.

"Sike!" Bran said. "This was my plan all along. I was faking you guys out."

"Well I've wanted Jon to be the ruler this entire time and I know his true lineage but that sounds cool." Sana said.

"What about Brianna can't she just do it? She is a seasoned warrior that's honorable. She'd make a great ruler. Not to be dissing anyone but Bran can't even answer a straight question without being weird and he talks like he's reading out of his emo diary." Another person said.

"What about Sir Davamos can't he do it?"

"Let's all vote." Tyrone said.

They all said "Aye" one by one. And cemented the worst finale decision ever. "All hail King Raisin of Bran."

"Bran the Broken!" Tyrone said.

"That is offensive." Bran said. "This is the 12th century. Get with the times."

"We got you a present." Sana said. The iron toilet with a bunch of swords had been reconstructed to have wheels on the bottom so Bran could get around.

"I want to kill Jon." Grayturtle said. "He killed our queen there is no way all her thousands of warriors who bled for our queen will let him live."

"Let's just give him a vacation up North. Since the North is free and Sansa doesn't even have to enforce this. Let's just send em up there." Bran and them said.

"Ok. That's cool." Said Graycomb. "We are all gonna sail off to Hawaii."

Everyone hugged Jon bye at the pier. "Graybird gave him a dirty look when he walked by."

Aryia decided to be a pirate. She was hoping they'd give her a spin off.

Jon went and was hanging out with the wildings. "Where are we going?" Jon asked.

"I have no idea." The wilding said. "Brianna shoulda got me with me. I wouldn't have hit it and quit it."

Brianne wrote in the King Branding Burn book about Lamie, "Lamie Bannister was a fugly slut. He died with his ho like he deserved."

Jon finally petted his dog and they walked off but no one knows why or where. The End.


End file.
